Category Archives: ovarian cancer

cancer, chemotherapy, health, ovarian cancer

Are you still doing that?

April 24, 2015 kymbalk 2 Comments

The early thrill of a new habit wears off after about a month and according to Franklin Covey only 23% of people see their resolutions to completion. Any time someone says I’m never going to do “X” again, there is a part of me that wonders how long their forever will be. When the doctor told me that my cancer treatment could be “forever,” I wondered the same thing. In college we studied Greek Mythology and Sisyphus (the man doomed for all eternity to push a boulder up a hill and then watch it roll back down again). I wonder what his attitude was. How did he feel about it? Were some days better than others? Did he have coworkers with their own rocks to push up their own hills? Did they get together on weekends to commiserate over rock pushing? Did he try to get it done first thing in the morning or procrastinate till late afternoon? How do you handle those perpetual tasks that never go away?

Today marks my 9th maintenance treatment of Avastin for recurrent Ovarian Cancer. I almost can’t imagine not seeing my doctor every 3rd Tuesday and my fabulous nurses Jacqui, Cindy, and Jodi every 3rd Friday. Jacqui is even in my “favorites” in my phone contacts. It’s like making the top ten of speed-dialed numbers!

I have my own little Ground Hog Day of doctor visits and treatments.

Screen Shot 2015-04-24 at 11.40.34 AM — Groundhog Day starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell

I have a favorite chair!

And my own little TV and blankie!

kicking back — Watching Living 808! They have TV up in here!

I told a coworker that I would be out Friday for chemo and she said, “Are you still doing that?” The answer is yes, but I’m pushing my “rock” in style. I may not get to choose if I push my rock but I get to choose how I’ll push it! We all have some form of rocks we’re pushing, but the trick is enjoy the journey. Plus, I get to see some pretty awesome people.

cancer, health, ovarian cancer, suicide

I thought you would have something fascinating to say about Cancer.

March 31, 2015 kymbalk 4 Comments

“I thought you would have something fascinating to say about Cancer.” Someone said this exact phrase to me (in writing) and it took me aback. But it’s true, I have nothing more profound than anyone else to say on the subject…except… that I have been there and done it. I don’t have the exact combination of cancer fighting drugs or herbal supplements, but I am a work in progress, learning as I go. I do have a lot of experience. If there were badges for surgery, radiation, chemotherapy, side effects, ongoing medications, neuropathy, vomiting (don’t forget vomiting) etc., I would have a complete sash. Getting sick doesn’t make you a “sage on the stage” or a life guru, but it does help to ease the path for others that are getting that cold shock of meeting an oncologist for the first time. I don’t have the cure for cancer, but I am there for those that are going through a similar events with themselves or a loved one. I can share my story and bring you along with me. I have first-hand experience with things that I never wanted to experience in the first place.

No one expects that they will get a life threatening disease. Would you handle thing similarly? Maybe, maybe not. I am simply the guinea pig that you can study and the friend you can support and pray for. You can use this article as a catalyst to ask yourself, what am I doing in my life that I want to be different. Lots of advice leans to “live in the moment” variety, but that moment-to moment living is harder to maintain than you might think. When planes are landing and taking off is when I am completely in the moment. Whether well or sick, the cat still needs to get fed and the oil still needs to get changed on the car, and someone needs to do those pesky taxes. I still get frustrated with traffic and people that take up the whole aisle at the commissary (why?). But above all that, I know the overwhelming support and love from friends (and strangers too) that has buoyed me when I have felt down. I have new networks of friends that evolves constantly including a wonderful Ovarian Cancer Support group. People I might never have met in my previous life have now become friends that I can count on for advice.

This weekend I found out that a former student had recently committed suicide. He struggled in middle school as an outcast and left the school I was teaching at under cloudy circumstances. Eventually, the family moved to a different state and I hadn’t heard anything about him until I saw the obituary. Many people tried to help him when he was a troubled 13 year old. At 16 years old, he decided that life was too painful to keep on living. Today, I am contemplative. Did he continue to turn away from help? Were others trying to reach out and connect with him? I pray for his family as they try to go on with their lives. My goal as a teacher is to reach out to each student individually, wherever they are in their “journey.” With my blog, I try to reach out to those who are struggling with the entire baggage that is Cancer. Some are just here to support and be supported, and others for advice. Fascinating? Probably not, but hopefully, helpful.

No pictures today, just thoughts. We are all here together.

fitness, health, ovarian cancer, running, walking

Breakn’ a Sweat-Great Aloha Run 2015

February 21, 2015 kymbalk 8 Comments

One of my students showed up to summer school class every day with large over-the-ear headphones listening to this song by Skrillex and The Doors-Breakn’ a Sweat (a largely repetitive, but somehow catchy electro/dub step song-you probably will not like). But, this song was in my head as I trained for the Great Aloha Run of 2015.

Skrillex and The Doors-Breakn' a Sweat — Skrillex and The Doors-Breakn’ a Sweat

I wasn’t even sure I could do the 8.15 mile Great Aloha Run (and just to clarify, I am talking about walking it, not running). My friend said multiple times, “you can always back out if you are not up to it.” My plan was to just get up and get out there and see what happened. Up until Monday (race day), the longest training “run” was a 1.5 mile walk. In keeping with my 2015 goal of becoming STRONG I felt like it was important to at least get myself out of bed and get down there and try. My January training was stymied by a mega migraine that put me back several days (See Professional Vomit Queen). We woke up extra early to make our way to the Starting Line. I stood on the corner watching the sun come up with my little team of two (Debbie and Ross). We stationed ourselves at the back of the pack along with the wheelchair participants and stroller moms and watched the sunrise reflected over Aloha Tower.

Great Aloha Run-sun rising above the starting line.

Twenty thousand people had the same idea I did and were out there for the Great Aloha Run! Interesting side note is that many more were registered and just didn’t show up. I am sure they had many good reasons, but come “game day” it didn’t happen. This is what the front of the line looked like (or so the newspaper told me).

Despite a bad knee (Debbie), a bad calf (Ross) and sore hips (me), we finished! At one point, I jokingly said, we should do the Honolulu Marathon in December. This idea was introduced around mile 7, so the enthusiasm for it wasn’t as high as I had hoped.

We completed the race in 2 hours and 25 minutes. Plus, when you add the time and distance to get to and from the start and finish line…we totaled 9.73 miles!

Dynamic Duo in our fancy new "finisher" T-shirts! — Dynamic Duo in our fancy new “finisher” T-shirts!

When my own children used to agonize over writing essays for English class, I used to tell them…It doesn’t have to be perfect, it just has to be done. Words on paper are better than no words at all. That is how I felt about this race. We could have been a lot faster and trained a lot more, but we still got out there and did it. Plus, we were together, which made it all the more fun! What’s my current situation? Still plugging away at maintenance chemo every three weeks. I had treatment yesterday and slept 12 hours straight in recovery last night. Still teaching! Still doing!

#NED, chemotherapy, health, ovarian cancer, ovarian cancer blog, ovarian cancer fighter blog, PET scan, running, walking

The Musical Chairs of Cancer

January 14, 2015 kymbalk 11 Comments

Screen Shot 2015-01-13 at 7.41.38 PM — Set-up for musical chairs

Do you remember the childhood party game Musical Chairs? I used to love going to birthday parties and playing that. When the music started, you would walk around the circle casually, sometimes touching the chairs, just listening to the music playing a happy tune until some unseen hand took the needle off the record (Yes, we played that game with vinyl albums!) As the music suddenly halted, you lunged into the nearest available chair-hoping not to be the extra child without a seat. If you were unfortunate enough to be the last one standing, you were out of the game.

I compare my current situation to that childhood game. I go along living my life, teaching classes, walking, going to church, watching movies, listening to music, and then suddenly, it’s time for a PET scan. There is a breath holding few days where we wait for the results…Will I still be doing the daily drive to work (#hitraffic), watching Chopped on the Food Network, hiking the Aiea Loop trail, and generally being “normal” OR will I be thrown back into the grind of surgery, weekly chemotherapy, blood testing, and hospital visits. Each scan, I wait for the music to stop, and then determine if I am with or without a chair.

Last year on Valentine’s Day (incredibly bad timing), I received that call that my cancer had returned. Since March 14th, I have earned frequent flyer points at Tripler Army Medical Center. The current status is a monthly (which really means every three weeks) maintenance plan of Avastin and careful monitoring of my CA 125 levels to continue indefinitely (like in forever). Side effects of all of this include some pretty unkind migraine headaches and fatigue, but this is small “kine” stuff compared to the radiation and frontline chemotherapy.

View from the Oceanside of Tripler Army Medical Center

In the meantime, I am listening to the music and focusing on my One Word for 2015! That word is Strength. Rather than making a series of New Year’s Resolutions about working out, eating less, and reading more, I am choosing to focus on a single word-focusing all my efforts towards building strength…in my body, in my mind, in my faith, and in my relationships. My plan for 2015 is not a single day event, but hopefully a series of activities that will make me stronger. Physically, I feel better now than I have felt since January of last year. I plan to ~~run~~ (haha-just kidding) walk in the Great Aloha Run in February. Am I ready? Absolutely not. But, the training process has begun.

I believe I’ll still have a chair in the game come next week! You are not behind. Start now. What is your One Word for 2015?

#NED, cancer, health, ovarian cancer, television

Where are they now?

December 8, 2014 kymbalk 1 Comment

One of my favorite magazine (and now internet) features has always been the “Where are they now?“ segment. Something about being in the dark with zero information regarding a person, and then “BAM” right back into all the nitty gritty of their lives-some interesting, some bizarre, some tragic…….is so compelling. I thought I’d take you on a little Where are they now? trip.

1. David Cassidy-former star of 70’s show The Partridge Family and frustrated hard rock musician (I learned that in VH1 Behind the Music) in a pop music world has plummeted to the world of drunk driving in NY, garnering what appears to be a second DWI (the first from Florida).

The rookie cop evidently didn’t recognize the former teen heartthrob. (I think I would have.) Let’s hope he’s back on track now!

2. Mary-Kate Olsen My kids were fan of the twin powerhouses (to include Ashley Olsen) from the television show Full House. The favorite movie of our family was I am the Cute One. You can find this gem on http://www.youtube.com

I am the Cute One video from www.youtube.com — I am the Cute One video from http://www.youtube.com

Now, she has a jewelry line that makes a BILLION dollars in sales a year.

3. Haley Joel Osment Evidently I was not the only one who wondered whatever happened to the Sixth Sense boy. ABC news had a recent feature on him with this photo (and article)…~~What?!? That’s Haley Joel Osment~~? He is still making movies and currently is filming a movie in which he pays a Nazi.

Screen Shot 2014-12-07 at 3.24.38 PM — Haley Joel Osment filming a new movie in September of 2014

4. Walter Cronkite-As a child I used to watch the CBS Nightly News with my parents and listen to Walter Cronkite say, “And that’s the way it is.” Sadly, he passed away in 2009.

I could spend hours searching the internet and dropping down a rabbit hole of information, but I wanted to share with you one that recently stuck with me.

5. Diem Brown–You may or may not know of this reality TV star who made her mark in the show MTV Real World/Road Rules Challenge. What impresses me so much about this woman is that even though she diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer at age 23, she fought relentlessly and optimistically against this cruel disease until she passed away at 34. If you follow Twitter, you may know that her last tweet (posted days before her death) showed her resilient spirit.

Her fight (chronicled in People Magazine) focused attention on this silent and slippery disease. Here is a reminder of the symptoms:

Common myth: Your annual PAP smear does NOT detect Ovarian Cancer!

Where am I now? Doing well! After a total of two surgeries, 25 radiation treatments, and 28 frontline chemotherapy infusions, I am undergoing maintenance Avastin infusions every 3 weeks to keep this disease at bay. In the meantime, I can be found teaching Physics to some pretty darn amazing students on most days!

#NED, Diet, health, ovarian cancer, ovarian cancer blog

Trying to get up that great big hill!

November 20, 2014 kymbalk 2 Comments

At one time, not too long ago, I was actually able to walk up Koko Head Crater-it was challenging, yet not impossible. The popular Oahu hike was approximately 1 mile…~~straight up~~…1048 stairs/railroad ties up the side of a enormous cinder cone. The view from the top was spectacularly breathtaking. These days, I think I could only walk from the parking lot to the trail head. However, even when I was able to successfully complete the hike, there were a few other folks that passed me like I was standing still. On the way down, still others were barely making it up. My challenge was a cake-walk for some and an impossible dream for others. Food for thought as I refocus my efforts toward getting healthy.

Now, I’m trying to get up the hill of recovery! What’s the plan? It’s a work in progress, a multi-pronged work in progress. Exercise-check. Ableit, in a much smaller fashion than BC (before cancer). My immediate goal is to walk up the hill in the neighborhood (all the way to the top). Healthy eating-check. Thanksgiving is right around the corner, but for now, it’s plenty of veggies/protein and bags of spinach (they say it’s washed, but I am suspicious, therefore doing that hard salad spinning myself). I am re-acquainting myself with plain Greek yogurt and a sprinkle of Grape Nuts and fruit on top. It’s not as terrible as it sounds…really. Reading-check. On order from Amazon:

Small Victories-Spotting Improbably Moments of Grace by Anne Lamott

This Thursday marks my second maintenance treatment along with a Doc appointment on Monday. I haven’t been to Tripler Army Medical Center in three whole weeks (3.3 weeks). I am focused on getting myself sussed each day and up by 5:17 am and back into bed by 9:36 pm (this has something vaguely to do with sleep cycles and a sleep calculator). Still a long way to go, but the view on the way back up again is pretty rewarding. Plus, I am enjoying the lack of vomitting more than you can possibly imagine.

In a reflective mood? Maybe a little, but I’m looking backward and forward simultaneously. Musically, maybe some 4 Non Blondes will help you start your day with What’s Up?

Don’t forget to check out the sunsets on the way!

#NED, cancer, chemotherapy, ovarian cancer, ovarian cancer blog, ovarian cancer fighter blog, PET scan

Done not done

October 10, 2014 kymbalk 3 Comments

Do the words “on the edge” connote something good or bad? I am hopeful as I take my first steps into unknown territory that is the start of something amazing. Today will mark (assuming all my blood work is in order) the last of the frontline chemo. If anyone was counting (me), there have been 28 treatments in total (16 in 2012 and 12 in 2014). Twenty eight infusions of chemicals into my bloodstream and 28 mini-battles to get myself back together again. But now… NO MORE Carboplatin and Gemzar….only Avastin. As Ross says, “I’m no mathematician,” (he is) but that is a 66.7% reduction in drugs. That is definitely worth a celebration!

The good news is that the weekly grind of treatments will disappear, but in its stead, is an extended regimen (while not as physically debilitating) which will extend for a full year. Done, but not done. The last time I did this, done was done, until it came back. This time, we are hoping that the Avastin will keep any new tumors from developing and growing. This ~~monthly~~ every three week therapy is one of the hot new cancer treatments that they are using on me. ~~The word on the street~~ The nurses are telling me that it will be much easier to bounce back from these infusions.

Even though 2015 is around the corner, this is my own personal New Year’s Celebration! The “journey” isn’t over by any means, but hopefully, it won’t be as rigorous. I am excited to begin exercising without catching my breath, drinking a glass of wine without getting a headache or vomitting, and spending more time with friends/family instead of crashed on the couch.

The next hold-your-breath moment will be at the end of this month. Doctor has ordered a PET scan to make sure that done means done.

blog, cancer, chemotherapy, cross country, ovarian cancer, ovarian cancer blog, running

Get out of the Car

September 28, 2014 kymbalk 1 Comment

Wet, muddy, and humid. Not-so-perfect conditions for the weekly cross country meet, and yet the parking lot was packed and the runners were enthusiastically warming up. I spent a good 10 minutes motivating myself to leave the climate controlled car to find the Mid-Pacific tent of runners and fans. One of my students, after asking why I was wearing white shorts, thanked me for coming out to see the meet. (I have no excuse for white shorts in rain and mud-none.)

photo (1) — Kaiser High School Cross Country Meet

Before 8 am, most of the runners were soaked and muddy and the races hadn’t even started yet. I was surprised how cheerful and full of laughter they were. I told my son afterwards that I always love talking to Student X because she laughs at all my jokes. His response: “Yeah, she laughs at a lot of things that aren’t funny.”

The meet today comes on the muddy heels of a really junk week. I realized that I have thrown up more in the last 4 months than I have in my entire life. On Tuesday, I spent most of the day in the hospital getting IV fluids, Potassium, and Phenergen, trying to get my system back in balance from the previous chemo. I rallied for Wednesday and was back in the classroom again. I wasn’t actively vomiting, so I figured I should be at work. It is not just a duty concept that brings me back to school every day. Today’s events really captured it for me. Despite their own “Struggle Bus” of conditions, kids just get out of the car and get going. No one complained, they just did. That is what energizes me!

Even though I see them in the classroom every day, it was fun to see them overcoming the elements and enjoying each other’s company.

Monday, it’s back to Physics!

blog, boot camp, cancer, chemotherapy, ovarian cancer

Boot Camp Lessons for Cancer

September 20, 2014 kymbalk 7 Comments

diana — Wedding of the Century-Prince Charles and Princess Diana

A long, long, long, long time ago…I went through military boot camp (Basic Cadet Training-fondly known as “Beast”) at the United States Air Force Academy. It was the summer of 81, and while Princess Diana and Prince Charles were getting married, I was in the foothills of Colorado Springs enduring the most rigorous training program of my life. Whilst (I love that word!) Anglophiles were glued to their television’s watching the “wedding of the century,” I was doing push-ups, pull-ups, and running through the Obstacle Course and Confidence Course in Jack’s Valley, Colorado.

Every day, we woke at the crack of dawn and we pressed through the day until taps at 9 pm. It was the most intensive time of my life-forcing my body to do things that were not in my wheelhouse. (I was an Erudite in a Dauntless world= for fans of the book Divergent! #Divergent #Veronica Roth) I spent my high school days in ballet, drill team, and AP classes, but then I was thrown into a world where walking across a 4×4 beam, one story above the ground, was the only measure of success.

photo-4 — Jack’s Valley, CO Summer of 81-Kym Roley

Why did I not die?

Beam — Building “confidence” in Jack’s Valley! Try walking from one side to the other untethered!

How do you get through Boot Camp? How do you get through Cancer and its treatments? How does anyone get through the monumental challenges of their life?

1. Find good friends to share the ride on the Struggle Bus with you. Life is more fun when you’re singing ~~The Wheels on the Bus~~ songs together. My Academy classmates are still my friends ~~100~~ 33 years later. Today, my friends and family help me laugh and forget the hard reality of what I’m going through.

2. Every day-get up, get dressed, get going. Get through. Day 1 may just be getting one foot to go in front of the other. By Day 20, you can chuckle at how little you could do on Day 1 . Your muscles learn what you expect of them. If you expect nothing, they give you nothing.

3. Give it your best…your best will get better. In the 1997 movie Gattaca, the character Vincent is asked how he accomplished such a remarkable feat, and his answer was…”I never saved anything for the swim back.” Give it all! You can’t be thinking about the next lap or the next obstacle. Give everything to each moment!

4. Believe in God’s plan(s)-Plans to give you a hope and a future! Jeremiah 29:11 There is a plan for you. You just have to trust that there is a plan.

5. Get past the bad days by reminding yourself that “Everything will be okay in the end: If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” -John Lennon There are days you wish you could just forget, where nothing goes right, but that is not the end of the story.

Finally….. My memories of that time (and now this battle with cancer) have crystallized, and while they include the struggles and disappointments, ultimately, the successful finishing of difficult obstacles is what sticks with me.

parade — USAFA-Class of 81 Acceptance Parade

blog, cancer, chemotherapy, health, ovarian cancer, ovarian cancer blog, PET scan

Pet scan time-“Eyes to Thighs”

September 5, 2014 kymbalk 5 Comments

So you want a Pet?

No, not that kind…this kind…a Positron Emission Tomography (PET) Scan.

Tomorrow is my six month scan. We are hoping not to see any areas light up this time! Today (Thursday) is the prep day. Starving the body of sugar and focusing on low carb eating.

A day of eating this…

Genoa Salame and Provolone Cheese-$4.99 at Safeway

And this…

Tomorrow (Friday) is just watery water…Nothing else!

Then, they inject the radioactive tracer…and allow it to circulate in the bloodstream.

One hour of sitting “Quietly”…no music, books, talking, moving, etc. They really mean it when they say sit quietly. After 1 hour, the dye has had a chance to circulate through the whole body (organs and tissue) and you’re ready for the scan to begin. Any areas of ~~hypermetabolic~~ hungry cancer cells, will be activated and light up during the scan.

Then, the tube. It like a crystal ball to look at your innards.